Saturday, March 13, 2010

Here we go yo...

What's up tribe called quest? So. First things first, thanks for stopping by:), and I'm going to immediately ask for some advice before I get too far into this whole blogging business.... Originally I wanted to call this blog verbal diarrhea but then I started to think about people who might stumble upon this page looking for poo related things and who may have the sense of humor of a nine year old boy or who are otherwise unsavory... in other words, people like me, the word diarrhea never fails to make me giggle and poo humor just doesn't get old. Ditto for tearing ass, farts are always hilarious. It's kinda like that's what she said. I don't want it to be funny anymore but it just is. so there's that. I also considered bean machine but that could also potentially have pooing connotation so I nixed that one as well. Pretty soon I had myself a list like one of those mommies who hoard lists of babies names from when they were twelve and apply to preschools for their number named offspring pre-pregnancy. I so want to keep this list to myself for a rainy day and what if someone else snatches up one of my names and I decide I want it? (Like these women, whom I don't like-who might decide to have another baby and they can't tell anyone else the names they didn't use. I'm her! I don't like her.) But then I thought what makes me think that I'm the one who was so clever as to come up with these titles? Someone else surely has these names squirreled away for themselves or is already using them so here we go. Back to my plea for advice. Blog name?? Like it, yeah or nea. (cause I got a pocket full of em!) I contemplated same shit, different day but it sounded not really fun to read, I need a good lure, a little make-up so to speak:) Plus I don't want to offend any one right off the bat with my swearing. (Which I have in the past tried to address but it never works so I'll apologize in advance for being a truck driver. For a while I tried to just use first letters, like "oh, eff!", or "what the ess?", and regularly trying to use "a-hole". Didn't work. It just doesn't roll off the tongue, know what I mean? But I still like to use a-hole sometimes cause i enjoy the way it sounds but my brain just isn't fast enough to catch when I swear in normal conversation. (damn you lack of nutrition!! starving brain=uncontrollable vulgarity? Discuss.) (Plus if your offended by swearing I've probably already lost you. I am more offended by my over use of parenthesis. I annoy myself. So I'm not going to apologize anymore after this for saying shit.:)My second favorite was like a vegan but then I would be singing old school madonna all day. (not to say that's a bad thing) Then I thought Soy Nut was cute, no need to explain this one. I eat soy. I'm nuts. Works right? Fruit Loop is along the same lines. So was Open Mouth, Insert Food. Like this one. I could even abbreviate it OMIF. But alas, I will never be as awesome as that which is KERF, whom I adore, so no givsies backsies and I won't go there.:) Plus I'm kinda against the whole lol, and omg kinda thing. and I don't get this twitter business. I'm such a computer illiterate and now I'm the old one. (yeah, I had a nintendo, I played punch out. No shame.) There is also green stuff, which would work on numerous levels because my favorite thing in the world when I was little, that was present at the table of every family gathering, was pistachio pudding. aka green stuff. that's its name. I really don't think that if you asked one of my family members to make pistachio pudding they would have any idea what you were talking about. My only qualm with this title is that I may be falsely advertising that I am more earth friendly than I really am. Not that I don't make an effort but I use more than one square of toilet paper and I love me a chinet plate. (This is going to have to change since I plan on using my cute plates when I post meals, so take that carbon footprint!) This is also the problem I have with this current title, but it's growing on me and ultimately it will cure the current paper plate situation I have so all is well. I could go with the traditional kiss my grits, but in my case it would have to be kiss my stone ground,organic tiny portion of grits because i'm afraid of carbs grits, and that just doesn't work. Now along these lines i thought of smooch my nooch, but I worry if your not a vegan/vegetarion/food nerd what may think nooch is. I anticipate many a dirty grandpa. Um, no thank you, axnay on the oochnay. Another favorite contender-talkin'snack- and although flattery is the highest form and all, I sorta feel like the amazing, bossy Kailey owns all things snacky so i kinda want to leave it to the proffesionals:). Okay. I digress. If your still with me I promise not all of my posts will be this random and long, I'll try to keep it to the minimum, you know, the eats, the crazy thoughts and the like in a shorter fashion cause I know you girls and random guy have got things....here's who I envision might possibly be reading this...and PLEASE don't take offense, I make fun of myself way more than I make fun of anyone else and I never want to hurt any one's feelings. Besides, if I don't laugh I'll cry.
a. you're a food blogger. you've come across the page and you're thinking what's up? Where's B,L, & D? Who is this chick? I think she might have signed up for my giveaway once. I have a million other blogs to read/comment on and an extremely adorable husband/ boyfriend to go do fun things with. I'm going to a cool restaurant, and then run a marathon. later! (ps. you girls amaze me. truly, I'm in awe and your one of the reasons i'm going to try to write this blog and not just stalk yours silently anymore. I want to be like you.)
b. you have an eating disorder too. you're thinking what's up? How much does she weigh? where's the food porn? what's her bmi? where's the tiny plates? baby spoon? I don't have time to read posts this long, I have to go exercise, make food, plan, get on a scale, or purge. So many calories to count and so little time! (Double points if you've gotten this far because stereotypically we have the attention span of a gnat. I myself need something shiny.) (p.s. I'm with you sister, and I'm so sorry your hurting. I wish I could take your pain away. You are also one of the reasons I want to write things down:)
c.you found this page looking for gene simmons or to score some weed, in which case there's no way you've read this far unless your bong knocked into the page down button while you were taking a huge hit. (p.s. you don't have an impact on me writing this at all but feel free to hang out while you inhale doritos:)
d.your my mom. (p.s. I love the shit out of you.)
So to all of you-what do you think? Keep the name kiss my grass? Lemme know.
(Eats,poops,sleeps? Nah, sounds too close to the lovely Jenna, who I also adore!! Can you say girl crush?) Again, I'm sorry to start off with such a bizzaro post but hey it can only get better right!? -Things to come....I'll tell you about me, and like I said, eats and the daily hum drum...and yes, there will be pictures. :) Later gators!

5 comments:

  1. You are funny :)

    I'm digging the name. It's like you - a vegan with an attitude, but a good hilarious attitude. I say keep it!

    Sadly, the kabocha in Nashville are no good these days. Last one I bought was moldy. :(

    I think the blog looks great thus far. Thanks for the heads up!

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  2. You're hilarious! i look forward to reading more! :D

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  3. Monica...
    I think this one of the cutest posts I have ever read! I absolutely adore your brutal honesty.. don't ever lose that! I can't WAIT to read all your updates.. seriously girl, you know how to have a few good laughs!
    I especially love reason b.) for blogging... it is SO TRUE :P I really admire people who can look at struggling situations like ours and find someway to laugh about it.

    xox
    Tat

    Ps... I love the blog name you have now =P

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  4. Girl your blog looks bangin'! I love the name and the header.

    I'm looking forward to seeing your vegan eats and reading more of your hilarosity (let's work on making this a real word, shall we?)

    Tata for now!
    Susan

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  5. So funny! I think your blog is going to be great!! I will add you to my blog roll and mention you in my next post! :) Best wishes!!

    P.S. Come out from lurking and leave a comment!! :)

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