Psychics.....Mediums......Obsessions

I will admit that I went through a bit of an ''out of control'' phase after my EVP experience I explained in the last post. I just felt compelled to search for a medium that would validate the fact that you are out there for me to get in contact with. I think what I did find were several pychic individuals who all brought a little something different to the table.

The very first pychic I found on line....she was really very interesting to talk to. She knew that you had left a pet behind, she also truly believed that my EVP experience was you..........at the end of the conversation she said, "wait....I feel that you or Chelsey wear a necklace around your neck....is it a heart?....with a mother and child"? well, I couldn't believe that she knew that without ever seeing a photo of us or anything. I had never mentioned anything to give that information to her. I found the necklace that you gave me years ago for Mother's Day........ I had forgotten it in my jewelry box. I happen to find it on the day all of your family and friends gathered to say goodbye to you at your memorial and have worn it every day since.

After about a month I found another pychic medium from a list I found from Lily Dale. LD is a very high spiritual energy town on the east coast known for years and years to have lots of powerful energy. People go there to get readings from many mediums who live there. So I have found that most of the readings, they don't necessarily zero in on the person you are trying to connect with. Other spirits come and welcome them and sometimes have to find the individual you are looking for. The medium told Chel and I that a man in a military suit came to him with a name of Harold....well, grandpa's brother who died at a very early age was in the army and his name was Harold. I actually was named after him.....he also described a woman who eerily was described to the tee to grandma......after a while he established who we wanted to connect with and he told us that he felt a bloated feeling coming from your spirit. We didn't understand, but then Chel figured maybe that it represented how you always felt in life here on earth. I don't think you ever felt comfortable in your own skin....you always felt bloated or fat...anyways those reading this blog may think we are crazy for believing in all of this pychic stuff, but I am a true believer....this gentleman drew a spirit drawing of you, which we didn't think looked anything like you, but held a creepy resemblance to a friend of ours many years ago who died of complications from an eating disorder. Here is the photo........when i told him about the phone calls i received he told said,"don't' go Hollywood on me", he didn't believe it was you.

Slightly scary..huh?

The final reading we had done was a woman who I thought was a medium, yet turned out to be just a pychic. She was pretty good, but really never felt a connection to you in any way, but also told us that usually right after a person dies the energy is the strongest and one is most likely able to contact in one way or another to the physical world. As time goes on it gets more difficult....she thought it might be easier to wait at least a year before we invested in another reading. All of the reading did indicate that you really felt so sorry for all of the pain that was caused due to your illness. They didn't have to tell me that..I already knew.

It was interesting too that during the hour reading we had about 3 weird interruptions of static....she was determined that my experience with the phone calls was definitely you and also the interruption was also you channeling through......

All of the readings made me feel good afterwards and I think that is the bottom line..it was comforting to listen to people who are committed to and believe so intensely what I want to believe is true.

I'm definitely ready for another reading...I just need to save up a little more money......

love and miss you so much.....m

SIGNS..........

I found this butterfly attached to one of your folders, which i think you may have had since high school....there are so many things about you i want to share with the world....

My last entry i think i had one too many glasses of wine, because of the lightweight that i am i got a bit drunk...i need to be careful and be totally in control of what i allow to travel out there in the blogging universe..... i've decided to tell you about the experience i had within a month after you left....

but first i would like to mention that when talking to grandpa over the years he always made it clear that he was agnostic. he always said that if you prove to him that there is a god then he would consider believing in him. well, i always felt similar in my belief of the paranormal. chel and i always watch ghost adventures and ghost stories, etc....i guess you could say we are rather obsessed and find them so interesting, however, we definitely watch them more often now since my experience with you.....m.

so, a few weeks after the worst day of my life, which was the day you left us, i received a phone call on my cell phone. the number which was displayed was chelseys...... so naturally i thought chel would be at the other end......i answered and heard the sound of life support breathing. if you have never heard this sound of deep, labored, mechanical, machine-like, awful noise coming from someone whom you love and care for, consider yourself very lucky.....so i hear this breathing on the other end and think for a minute it's chelsey and it sounds like she is having trouble breathing...i start asking in a rather panicky way, "whats wrong? Chelsey??? are you okay"?????....several times and hear nothing but this breathing, so.... scared of listening anymore i hang up the phone....it was just too difficult to listen to...so then chelsey calls me back and asks me,"what was that about....i could hear you, couldn't you hear me talking to you"?? well i couldn't hear from my end i only heard the awful breathing, we thought the whole thing was just really bazaar. it was very scary for me as fragile as i was right after you left.....

about 1 week later the exact same thing happened the exact same way and i hung up the phone again, because it was too painful to listen to. i absolutely hated the sound and just couldn't listen anymore but in the same breath i truly began to think that this was you trying to contact me. it began my search, my quest to find out as much as i could about the 'other side'.

i went on line to look into EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) and read up on paranormal activities that were captured on video etc...it was all very fascinating to me and gave me hope that you are in a different place and at peace and one day i will join you in this other dimension....

about one month later, i woke up after having my second dream about you. we had hugged in the dream and it was so wonderful to feel you in my arms, even though it was a dream....... it felt so real.

later that day i was sitting at work at my desk and my cell phone rang, the caller ID had Dr. Cleary's number, she was calling me back, but when i answered all i heard was static on the line. this time though i just patiently listened, it was different from the previous calls when i heard the breathing. it sounded like a cb radio and i just listened to see what would happen...the entire call lasted about 3 minutes but after about 1 1/2 minutes i distinctly heard................"i.....love.......you"................in that evp language, it was clear as day to me...i knew at that time that it was really you! i got chills and the hair stood up on my arms. It gave me a feeling of such joy and comfort, i can't even describe in words. From that point on i had several readings from various

mediums and phychics. this experience changed things for me in my belief of the paranormal and the after life.....later when i spoke to dr cleary about the call she said to me that she was very happy to be a part,even in some small way, of connecting with you. she was such a wonderful therapist and since she helped you so much the few times you went to see her during your final months i decided to go and see her and talk to her since she was so fond of you. She was very helpful...all we talked about was you the entire time.

i think i will write another post and tell you all about the several psychic medium readings chel and i experienced. One of them even drew a pencil drawing called a "spirit drawing" and sent it to us...it didn't exactly look like you, but it did look surprisingly like a friend of yours you died several years ago of complications of an eating disorder. I will post a pic next time.......

miss you more than ever......m

Another Year Gone By......

I can't believe we are now entering onto 2012....i am sitting here in my living room listening to a play list on my zune that chel made for you with all of the songs that you liked, loved, songs that reminded chelsey of you.....i know you would like it..... i do and listen to it all the time. i have candles lit all over the room, which i also know you would love too, since i couldn't keep up buying enough candles for you since you would constantly burn them and therefore have them for such a short time. i will never forget, and dad just told this story the other day at our compassionate friends meeting. when you lived in the apartment in the city on belmont and the lake...you left your candle on all night long after falling asleep. when you awoke the candle was out but there was soot everywhere, since it had been lit under one of the shelves on your bookcase and i think it was too short to be a safe distance. that day it took me hours to help you clean your apartment everything was black. i am so surprised how lucky you were in so many instances where your actions put you in danger. i blame the evil monster that lived within you for everything bad that ever could have happened to you and everything bad that did happen to you.

the craziest story you ever told me was years ago when you lived at gregs house on the property of canterbury farm.....you were about 19 or 20 years old and anorexia had just grabbed a really good hold of you. you wanted nothing to do with recovery and basically just started getting real comfy and cozy with the enemy. he always made it seem like he was your friend,but in reality he was trying to destroy you. everyone around could see it but you were unable to, that was one of the magic powers it possessed. so anyways, one of the effects of some of the behaviors which you were compelled to do, such as not eating the correct foods to give you energy and probably exercising to a ridiculous amount of hours...you would be going about your business and then be so tired that sometimes you couldn't make it home before falling asleep at the wheel. you drove to the jewel near where you were staying and was planning to shop but took a short nap in the car....you woke up in the middle of the night to someone banging on your car door trying to wake you up. there had been a person shopping and walked by your car and saw you sleeping and thought the worst, they had called the police......there were several fire engines, several ambulances, several police cars all thinking that there was a person in the car they thought was not alive....you must have been so freaked out i can't even imagine.....it was just the first of several experiences that were similar in nature to that one. i only wished you would have come home and agreed to a different path than what you were taking.


you had a silver VW beetle.......one time i was looking for you and couldn't find you anywhere, i was going crazy with worry. i went looking for you and found you at the bank in elgin in the parking lot fast asleep in your car...i couldn't wake you up........how bazaar.

those days are times when i wish never existed....i wanted the days back of innocence and childhood and having some type of protection i could provide for you guys...as your mother...i just wanted to protect you from the world forever...

miss you more than you can imagine......m