A Bittersweet Goodbye...and A New Beginning

Well, here we are — I can hardly believe I’m writing my final post on this blog. My memoir is finished and published! After so many years of writing, revising, and reliving the memories, I’m thrilled to introduce you to my new book: A Life Half Lived: A Mother’s Memoir of Her Daughter’s Anorexia Struggle. This memoir has been a labor of love and loss and it means the world to finally share Monica’s story with you in its entirety. Before I go any further, I want to mention something very special about this blog. The first four posts were written by Monica herself just days before she passed away. I didn’t know then that they would be her last words to the world. Several months after her death, I decided to take over the blog to keep her voice alive and to continue what she started. It became my space to journal, to post photos, and to process my grief. Over the years, I shared pieces of Monica’s writings, drawings, and small treasures I found among her things. Writing here was cathartic, a way to stay connected to her and to turn my sorrow into purpose. Her posts remain the heart of this space , raw, honest, and achingly beautiful. Reading them even now feels like hearing her voice. The reason this is my last post here is because I’ll be moving my writing over to Substack, where I’ll continue to share more of Monica’s journey and the many pieces of our story that didn’t fit into the memoir. One of the final pages of the book includes a QR code leading readers to this very blog, a place filled with the words, photos, and reflections that tell the story behind the story. https://substack.com/@sherrijfowler On Substack, I’ll be expanding on that legacy: posting stories, updates, and insights for anyone who wants to go deeper. I’ll also be making available the PowerPoint presentation I first created in 2011, one I’ve presented to high schools, colleges, mental health organizations, and community groups over the years. Soon, it will be available for anyone to view or even use in classrooms and awareness programs. My hope has always been the same, to shed light on an insidious illness that too often goes unspoken. Thank you for walking beside me on this journey, through grief, through understanding, and toward awareness. I hope you’ll join me on Substack.com as I continue to honor Monica’s life, share her story, and help others gain insight into what she endured for over fifteen years and how her light continues to guide me still. My memoir is available on Amazon https://a.co/d/blc2bbr With love and gratitude, Sherri Jolie Fowler

 I am beyond excited right now!! My memoir is as close as it's ever been to being ready for publishing. It is being read by 7 wonderful beta readers and is also being edited by my new editor, Hillary. Hillary and Chelsey are going to help me self publish very soon. I hear that it takes

sometimes years to write a memoir or a book. Mine is no different...I started 13 years ago and even though it sat for years at a time when I didn't touch it for one reason or another, here we are! It doesn't even matter I'm just ecstatic that I will have it in my hands soon.    Just wanted to let everyone know! I think I am going to go with A Life Half Lived: A Mother's Memoir of Her Daughter's Anorexia Struggle. To the right is a picture of Monica 1/2 finished pastel painting she did before she died. She didn't finish it. I want it on the cover. I think it goes well with the title.

 I have a list of emails to send out when it is ready. Let me know if you want me to add your information. leave in comments.

            Well, here we are 15 years later after the death of a beautiful soul. Monica Nicole Joyce Fowler who was my first born child in 1979. She gave us such joy and happiness for so many years before tragedy struck all of our lives. 

           I can't believe 15 years has passed, but there is something very important to a mother who has lost her child....and that is for the daughter to never be forgotten. Life goes on, of course, but I have always tried to do things to keep her memory alive. Which brings me to the subject of the manuscript I and my wonderful editor, Adeline, have been working on for so many years. I thought it would be done by now, but for many reasons is not quite ready. I have every reason to believe it will be available in the next several months! A published book about our story! I can't wait!

         I spent several years going around to many universities, high schools, I have spoken to nursing students and a other various groups taking my Power Point presentation of Monica's story to share and spread awareness of the dreaded anorexia nervosa disorder which destroyed her. Spending my time with the people that I spoke to was one of the most emotional, healing, cathartic experiences I have ever had in my life. I met some pretty amazing people in the process.

         Today, we will go to the Chicago Botanic Gardens and visit Monica's memorial bench for the final time. We will remember Monica and reminisce how good life was so long ago when she was still with us. I can't tell you how difficult it is every day wishing that she was still here. Sometimes I just want to say, "Monica, where are you?  I miss you! " 💔

"Dear Monica", "Hell On Wheels", "A Life Half Lived"

     

      I am Monica's mom, Sherri.  If you have followed or read this blog anytime in the past 13 years you will know a little bit about Monica and her struggle with the dreaded eating disorder she was forced to live with for 15 years. I took her blog over about a year after she passed away. She had only entered four posts. (her posts are the best of any posts on this blog, by far) I journaled and posted all sorts of things over that year. Whatever came to my mind. It proved to be a very healing experience.

 She has been gone all this time and is greatly missed by all of her friends and family. I was determined to write her story right from the beginning, but through my eyes as her mother. If you have ever lost someone extremely close you might understand how important it is to keep their memory alive. That is one of the reasons I so want to finish this book. I want the world to know how wonderful a person she was before and during her battle with anorexia. I also really want people to understand the complexities of this awful illness and how it effects the families and the person suffering as it destroys them. I am brutally honest in my writings...

    As I get closer to finally finishing my manuscript after all of these years, I am thinking about a title. It did sit for many years at a time, then I would work on it, then let it sit, then get motivated again and write some more. Last year I finally found a wonderful editor to help me get motivated. Her name is Adeline. For the past several months I have been working with her and she had been amazing by helping me edit my manuscript. 

      I would love some feedback of any kind to help me decide upon a title for the book. I have a few already, but if you have any thoughts or ideas, I would love to hear them.  First one is "Dear Monica" and refers to a letter I wrote Monica a few days after she died. In the same letter I also write, "Dear Anorexia" do not take the dear to mean endearment in any way. etc. I was thinking of either one for a title. This said letter was read at her memorial service. The second idea I had was "Hell On Wheels", which refers to a very colorful and artistically drawn sign created by none other than Monica herself. She was in rehab one time and they insisted that she remain in the wheelchair to conserve energy and prevent her from expending any calories. She attached it to the back of her wheelchair. I would also have the front cover of the book a picture of a wheelchair with her sign on the back. Another idea I had was "A Life Half Lived". I have a painting Monica started when she used to do paintings in pastels. It was her jumping Malmo, her horse she used to ride. She only finished half of the painting, it captures the essence of the unfinished painting and its symbolic connection to Monica's life. This title suggests that just as the painting remains incomplete so was Monica's life, tragically cut short. The front cover would have her painting displayed. I also for fun asked Chat GPT to suggest a title and it came up with "A Life Half Painted". Man that AI shit is so amazing isn't it??

           Anyways, I was wondering if anyone out there would be able to help me decide about a title for my finished book. Please feel free to leave a comment...I love feedback good, bad or ugly. I would be eternally grateful.   Sherri

"Remembering Monica" A tribute to my sweetheart

Here is the link to a video I had made in Monica's memory. I had wanted to create it for so many years and finally did it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alyc9o4-wQA

It's Christmas

It's a day like today which spurs memories and makes us miss you so much! There is not a day that goes by that you are not thought of....

Wherever you are, Monica, we hope that you are happy and healthy and that you are riding Malmo across fields of glorious flowers.

Love and miss you always...m

I Will Be Back Soon!

I wanted to let my readers know that I will be taking a break from entering posts for a while. The reason I have chosen to do this is that I would like to concentrate on writing my book. Originally I thought I would be able to simultaneously do both. That is not happening since my life is filled with so many wonderful hobbies and interests. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing on Monica's Blog, more than I can express in words....so I will now and again post, but not regularly. I want to thank all of my followers......I will be back soon, hopefully so I will be able to produce something to be proud of and will represent Monica's Life and Our Journey.......


Sherri