SIGNS..........

I found this butterfly attached to one of your folders, which i think you may have had since high school....there are so many things about you i want to share with the world....

My last entry i think i had one too many glasses of wine, because of the lightweight that i am i got a bit drunk...i need to be careful and be totally in control of what i allow to travel out there in the blogging universe..... i've decided to tell you about the experience i had within a month after you left....

but first i would like to mention that when talking to grandpa over the years he always made it clear that he was agnostic. he always said that if you prove to him that there is a god then he would consider believing in him. well, i always felt similar in my belief of the paranormal. chel and i always watch ghost adventures and ghost stories, etc....i guess you could say we are rather obsessed and find them so interesting, however, we definitely watch them more often now since my experience with you.....m.

so, a few weeks after the worst day of my life, which was the day you left us, i received a phone call on my cell phone. the number which was displayed was chelseys...... so naturally i thought chel would be at the other end......i answered and heard the sound of life support breathing. if you have never heard this sound of deep, labored, mechanical, machine-like, awful noise coming from someone whom you love and care for, consider yourself very lucky.....so i hear this breathing on the other end and think for a minute it's chelsey and it sounds like she is having trouble breathing...i start asking in a rather panicky way, "whats wrong? Chelsey??? are you okay"?????....several times and hear nothing but this breathing, so.... scared of listening anymore i hang up the phone....it was just too difficult to listen to...so then chelsey calls me back and asks me,"what was that about....i could hear you, couldn't you hear me talking to you"?? well i couldn't hear from my end i only heard the awful breathing, we thought the whole thing was just really bazaar. it was very scary for me as fragile as i was right after you left.....

about 1 week later the exact same thing happened the exact same way and i hung up the phone again, because it was too painful to listen to. i absolutely hated the sound and just couldn't listen anymore but in the same breath i truly began to think that this was you trying to contact me. it began my search, my quest to find out as much as i could about the 'other side'.

i went on line to look into EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) and read up on paranormal activities that were captured on video etc...it was all very fascinating to me and gave me hope that you are in a different place and at peace and one day i will join you in this other dimension....

about one month later, i woke up after having my second dream about you. we had hugged in the dream and it was so wonderful to feel you in my arms, even though it was a dream....... it felt so real.

later that day i was sitting at work at my desk and my cell phone rang, the caller ID had Dr. Cleary's number, she was calling me back, but when i answered all i heard was static on the line. this time though i just patiently listened, it was different from the previous calls when i heard the breathing. it sounded like a cb radio and i just listened to see what would happen...the entire call lasted about 3 minutes but after about 1 1/2 minutes i distinctly heard................"i.....love.......you"................in that evp language, it was clear as day to me...i knew at that time that it was really you! i got chills and the hair stood up on my arms. It gave me a feeling of such joy and comfort, i can't even describe in words. From that point on i had several readings from various

mediums and phychics. this experience changed things for me in my belief of the paranormal and the after life.....later when i spoke to dr cleary about the call she said to me that she was very happy to be a part,even in some small way, of connecting with you. she was such a wonderful therapist and since she helped you so much the few times you went to see her during your final months i decided to go and see her and talk to her since she was so fond of you. She was very helpful...all we talked about was you the entire time.

i think i will write another post and tell you all about the several psychic medium readings chel and i experienced. One of them even drew a pencil drawing called a "spirit drawing" and sent it to us...it didn't exactly look like you, but it did look surprisingly like a friend of yours you died several years ago of complications of an eating disorder. I will post a pic next time.......

miss you more than ever......m