Well, here we are 15 years later after the death of a beautiful soul. Monica Nicole Joyce Fowler who was my first born child in 1979. She gave us such joy and happiness for so many years before tragedy struck all of our lives. 

           I can't believe 15 years has passed, but there is something very important to a mother who has lost her child....and that is for the daughter to never be forgotten. Life goes on, of course, but I have always tried to do things to keep her memory alive. Which brings me to the subject of the manuscript I and my wonderful editor, Adeline, have been working on for so many years. I thought it would be done by now, but for many reasons is not quite ready. I have every reason to believe it will be available in the next several months! A published book about our story! I can't wait!

         I spent several years going around to many universities, high schools, I have spoken to nursing students and a other various groups taking my Power Point presentation of Monica's story to share and spread awareness of the dreaded anorexia nervosa disorder which destroyed her. Spending my time with the people that I spoke to was one of the most emotional, healing, cathartic experiences I have ever had in my life. I met some pretty amazing people in the process.

         Today, we will go to the Chicago Botanic Gardens and visit Monica's memorial bench for the final time. We will remember Monica and reminisce how good life was so long ago when she was still with us. I can't tell you how difficult it is every day wishing that she was still here. Sometimes I just want to say, "Monica, where are you?  I miss you! " 💔

"Dear Monica", "Hell On Wheels", "A Life Half Lived"

     

      I am Monica's mom, Sherri.  If you have followed or read this blog anytime in the past 13 years you will know a little bit about Monica and her struggle with the dreaded eating disorder she was forced to live with for 15 years. I took her blog over about a year after she passed away. She had only entered four posts. (her posts are the best of any posts on this blog, by far) I journaled and posted all sorts of things over that year. Whatever came to my mind. It proved to be a very healing experience.

 She has been gone all this time and is greatly missed by all of her friends and family. I was determined to write her story right from the beginning, but through my eyes as her mother. If you have ever lost someone extremely close you might understand how important it is to keep their memory alive. That is one of the reasons I so want to finish this book. I want the world to know how wonderful a person she was before and during her battle with anorexia. I also really want people to understand the complexities of this awful illness and how it effects the families and the person suffering as it destroys them. I am brutally honest in my writings...

    As I get closer to finally finishing my manuscript after all of these years, I am thinking about a title. It did sit for many years at a time, then I would work on it, then let it sit, then get motivated again and write some more. Last year I finally found a wonderful editor to help me get motivated. Her name is Adeline. For the past several months I have been working with her and she had been amazing by helping me edit my manuscript. 

      I would love some feedback of any kind to help me decide upon a title for the book. I have a few already, but if you have any thoughts or ideas, I would love to hear them.  First one is "Dear Monica" and refers to a letter I wrote Monica a few days after she died. In the same letter I also write, "Dear Anorexia" do not take the dear to mean endearment in any way. etc. I was thinking of either one for a title. This said letter was read at her memorial service. The second idea I had was "Hell On Wheels", which refers to a very colorful and artistically drawn sign created by none other than Monica herself. She was in rehab one time and they insisted that she remain in the wheelchair to conserve energy and prevent her from expending any calories. She attached it to the back of her wheelchair. I would also have the front cover of the book a picture of a wheelchair with her sign on the back. Another idea I had was "A Life Half Lived". I have a painting Monica started when she used to do paintings in pastels. It was her jumping Malmo, her horse she used to ride. She only finished half of the painting, it captures the essence of the unfinished painting and its symbolic connection to Monica's life. This title suggests that just as the painting remains incomplete so was Monica's life, tragically cut short. The front cover would have her painting displayed. I also for fun asked Chat GPT to suggest a title and it came up with "A Life Half Painted". Man that AI shit is so amazing isn't it??

           Anyways, I was wondering if anyone out there would be able to help me decide about a title for my finished book. Please feel free to leave a comment...I love feedback good, bad or ugly. I would be eternally grateful.   Sherri

"Remembering Monica" A tribute to my sweetheart

Here is the link to a video I had made in Monica's memory. I had wanted to create it for so many years and finally did it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alyc9o4-wQA

It's Christmas

It's a day like today which spurs memories and makes us miss you so much! There is not a day that goes by that you are not thought of....

Wherever you are, Monica, we hope that you are happy and healthy and that you are riding Malmo across fields of glorious flowers.

Love and miss you always...m

I Will Be Back Soon!

I wanted to let my readers know that I will be taking a break from entering posts for a while. The reason I have chosen to do this is that I would like to concentrate on writing my book. Originally I thought I would be able to simultaneously do both. That is not happening since my life is filled with so many wonderful hobbies and interests. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing on Monica's Blog, more than I can express in words....so I will now and again post, but not regularly. I want to thank all of my followers......I will be back soon, hopefully so I will be able to produce something to be proud of and will represent Monica's Life and Our Journey.......


Sherri
  

Halloween Memories......

This is the cake I made time and time again, it was always a big hit at Halloween.

Halloween was always your most favorite holiday. I went through all of the pictures I could find of all of us dressed up at some point in time or another.  The only costume I didn't come across was the year that you dressed up as Brittany Spears, I think was in Jr. High, but my memory is not so good these days so I'm not quite sure when it was.

Here is the Halloween Line up Photo Album.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

We miss you.......an indescribable amount......m

 

 

Perfect Strangers...Reaching Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After going through some of your personal belongings..... I came across some letters and papers which after having read them had totally restored my faith in humanity. I know in your day to day routine over the years when you struggled with anorexia there were people you came across while trying to live your life. You had spent so many obsessive hours at various gyms and met many nice people during the course. This letter I found was from one of those people you had met at Cardinal Fitness...you never shared it with me but I know you were touched by it otherwise you wouldn't have saved it. Here is the letter I came across....

 

After finding this letter, I wrote to Doug and thanked him for his very kind gesture towards my daughter. He wrote me back and told me how much he liked you and how kind you were. He told me that you had exchanged books with his wife because she was an avid reader, like yourself. He was so sorry to hear of your fate.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was given to you by some random woman in a store. She saw you and gave it to you.....I don't think you were ever in a place to call her back.  I know you appreciated it anyways. 

 

I do remember you telling me once, when you couldn't hide the fact that you had an eating disorder, right at the beginning of the nightmare......there was a girl who saw you riding one day, she came up to you and stopped you. She was an acquaintance of yours at the horse shows and she said to you, "Monica, don't go down this path, it won't make you happy....Please don't do it"! She pleaded with you. I feel like Anorexia had already taken hold of you.

 

I remember one more time when we were in an airport on our way to, I believe, California when we were stuck there having our flight detained. One of the security guards zeroed in on you and befriended you. He was tall, dark and very handsome. He noticed you and actually talked to you candidly about your illness, instead of just staring or whispering to someone about your appearance, which was very much the norm. People like this were few and far between.

 

I never forgot how he made you feel.....it was good.

 

 

PUCKER UP FOR A GRAPE BIG KISS

YOU ARE MY UNIVERSE

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY...IS STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

I'D LIKE TO HOLD YOUR HAND

LET'S PAINT A NEW BEGINNING

I'M RIPE FOR A BITE!
 

These are cards that you had for so many years, since high school. The Lips/Grapes you used as a reference and painted in pastel and gave to your friend, Schaeffer. She will cherish it forever......these all remind me so much of you!

 

 

I thought I would add this card I found from dad....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

miss you incredibly much......m